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Denise

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[03 Mar 2007|01:13pm]

Well, I've decided to update because the last time I did was last year, and actually DENISE, my lj friend (dontuseme) decided to do it as well(I thought it was a good idea) My life has been just that. Life. So many things have changed, from family to relationships, to friends who arnt really friends anymore, deaths,and happiness. One thing that hasnt changed is my relationship status. Jon and I are still together after 3 years and 2 months. It feels like much longer trust me. :) We are actually living with my parents and paying rent until we can actually fine decent jobs to afford a place. The last thing I want to do is rush into an apartment/complex and have to scrape for money. I'm actually at work right now.

I work at a michigan call center for about 60 different companies,ranging from bare escentuals makeup to dremel tools and conair hair products. I'de say I like my job about 90% of the time,  but i dont think anyone realized just how emotionally and mentally drained I am after a day at work. Some customers are like diarehea(mispelled?) Once you think your done with their shit it just comes back when you least expect it. Hmm, I forgot it was MY FAULT that ups fucked your package up!! :)

I was just thinking about it the other day, I'll be 20 this summer. No more teeny bobb years. I cant believe how much things have changed with not only myself, but people I thought ide talk to the rest of my life arnt even in my cell anymore. Well anyway, I need to get back to the grind of being a customer service rep. love to everyone I miss livejournal!!!!

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[15 Oct 2006|09:41pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

where to start? Should I begin at the shitty part or the other shitty part?

* if you dont feel like reading this shit, its depressing and im just gonna talk about how my life is going off the deep end because I have to get it off my chest dont read this*

Ive been unemployed for about a month now. no calls for work, ive been applying EVERYWHERE. so, tommorow im going to this temp agency which basically sets me up with a job anywhere, any shift, for any amt. of pay an hour, and I start the next day. most of the jobs are temporary which makes it eVEN worse. We had to put my cat down about 2 weekends ago because he had a developing brain tumour and we didnt even know it. my family has been edgy, mean, and my mom is always crying so I never want to be at home. We got him when i was just 3, I was extremely upset when it happened too, but it seems like im the only one trying to get up and move on..I know hes in a better place!

My period is way late, I know im not pregnant but I wish i would JUST START so I know for positive I'm not. Jonathan and I are on the rocks and have been for a while now. We are always fighting and I always end up crying and I hate that more than anything. I'm not a weak person but when it comes to him, the tears just seem to slip from my eyes. I feel guilty because hes been paying my bills and I cant stand to feel helpless. Ive worked since I was 15 and I have always paid for my bills and my gas and fun time..but when I have to depend on someone else to keep me afloat, it makes me feel so shitty. He tells me all the time that he doesnt care, but I know he does because his money could be going towards his debt, or something else hes got going on in his life. My dad is going through that stage in his life where hes pissed at the world constantly, and hes also developing arthritis in his hands and knees. he does really hard work and no one in the family can do anything about it, but he feels the need to be an asshole to everybody. I hate being at home!!! And it doesnt help that Jon lives an hour away. Hes going to talk to him about moving in soon, but im scared hes going to say no or something, even though both of my parents said it would be ok at different times. Ive been dealing with this distance bullshit for 5 years now, we both deserve to see each other everyday thats for damn fucking sure.

SMOKING!!!! I so broke a promise to myself about 5 million times saying I will quit once I stop working, or once I get a new job or bla bla bla. I didnt realize just how hard it was. A while ago  quit for 2 weeks and I was doing really well, but then I gave in when I got in an awful fight with my mom and im still smoking to this day. Some days its only 4 cigs...and once in a while if I'm hanging out with friends or driving in my car especially, I can smoke a pack a day. THATS AWFUL. I'm even smoking ultra lights, but they still give me the same buzz...and even my doctor told me that every cigarette is the same, wether you get lights or regulars or menthols. someone just punch me. not to mention all that bullshit, Im going to court next month because a certain someone stole my identity. Its all a load of shit, but  I cant wait to go, honestly. I'm going to grill this bitch for everything she's got and I'm gonna be so happy when its all over.

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[07 Oct 2006|07:42pm]
[ mood | creative ]

<a href="http://www.myheritage.com" title="MyHeritage - genealogy software with facial recognition technology" alt="MyHeritage - genealogy software with facial recognition technology" target="_blank"><img src="http://69.93.254.120/G/storage/site1/files/48/17/98/481798_6761691bd89254glmb0l16.jpg" width="499" height="297" border="0" ></a>

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yum [05 Sep 2006|02:46pm]
[ mood | happy ]

 awww snap, last night was A....mazing with my man of 3 years. MM MM MM! I swear its like everytime I feel our passion is slowly dying down, it kicks in full speed and let me tell you, the sex was mind blowing(and so was I if u get my drift aah!)  I surprised him around 10 last night because I totally had him convinced I wasnt coming out until friday. Mind you, for anyone who doesnt know, he lives about 48 miles from my house, so its about a 45 minute hike to plymouth from here. Its a drive, but im so used to it by now, it doesnt phase me. anyway, i surprised him and he was so excited to see me! we just kissed and kissed in the hallway like it was the first time we ever touched lips. His mom was home, but we couldnt resist. before I knew it we were in his bedroom and totally "rad" things were happening. lol, i make myself laugh when I talk about sex but It doesnt really matter to me whos going to read this, nobody ever comments anyways!!! So we got done with that, watched some tv with his mother, got busy again. whew...I thought it was over for the night but.. um no. We went outside and rolled a joint. pretty much all in all we got fucked AND fucked and let me just state a fact... there is no orgasm like a stoned orgasm.


PERIOD.

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[15 Aug 2006|03:41am]
[ mood | tired ]

Rach and I are in the big big process of making our band. We have both written many songs before, but tonight it was just so difficult to put it all together into one, if anyone knows what I mean. We're going for a kind of... sarah mclaklan mixed with avril lavigne and tatu... mostly R&B but we really love to sing slow songs because we harmonize alot better. We went to see "step up" today and the movie really inspired us both to actually make the next move to our exciting new passion. even though the movie was about dancing, it reminded me of that ONE life lesson you cant and should never forget...nothing is impossible, especially your dreams.

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[09 Aug 2006|07:13pm]
HAVOC- an awesome movie...watch it!!!!!!
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[07 Aug 2006|06:36pm]
my 19th birthday came and went, its already august and I cant even remember july. work is like a dead end for me. Once I get to the end of my rope, there is no where else to go. So once again im looking for another "long term" job, while this one is barely paying my bills. I dont have extra money to do anything, and gas prices lately are so painful to my wallet, I wanna cry.

I am eagerly awaitng fall to come. I wanna smell the brisk fresh air when I walk outside, and see the explosion of colorful trees everywhere I turn. I want to carve pumpkins with michelle, and scoop up leaf piles and jump into them like I used to.
I like putting on a light sweatshirt and going on walks to enjoy the chilly breeze. I like the way the cold air feels through my long hair.

Jon is talking to his dad again. I'm so happy he decided to listen to my dad, and I as well. Its a long story thats pretty personal, but I just wanted to tell him, If he ever reads this...Jonathan and I am so proud of you, I love you more than words can tell and feelings can express. I really hope everything works out with your papa, and us as well. Im sorry about the petty fights, you know I would do anything to help yu out in this crazy life.

Well, shelly is waiting so patiently for me to come scrapbook with her, I'm off to do that and eat some cereal(sounds good for some reason) and maybe go get some gas before I go to work in the morning.

Goodnight All
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[16 Jun 2006|04:40pm]

i'm so busy right now but I decided to take a break, I feel like writing for just a sec. I couldnt decide between both jobs that wanted me hired, so I took both of them. They're both for home health aide positions except one pays 11 an hour and the other 9. I'm really stressed because I work mon-thurs at different peoples homes who are located pretty far from where I live. I have to mapquest my way there, to and from the next clients house, and my way back home. They told me the girl who has all the jobs around my house is going back to school in august and that they'll give me all of her clients...which is the ONLY reason I accepted the offer. Gas is just so fucking expensive and I cant afford it.

Not to mention I still have to pay off my credit card, my car insurance is due in a few days, cell phone bill, and my stupid fucking ticket for tint and speeding. Thats another um, 105 dollars for going 5 OVER!!!!! Fuck michigan, freal. My bank account has a negative balance and I called to bitch some lady out because I was so pissed when I found out. It wasnt even my fault, they just kept adding charges. I told her i wanted to cancel my account and she sat there and tried to give me all these options. I told that bitch what was up!!!! I told her the whole company sucks, and that their overdraft fees are beyond what the normal american can afford. All they do is fuck yer shit up and Im not havin it!

My parents and sister went up to central today to help my other sister move in to her apartment...number 3 for her. Im happy for her, though I really want a place of my own soon. Ever since they left ive been cleaning and dusting,sanitizing and vaccuming,organizing and creating. Well, atleast thats one thing ive accomplished today. Im sure my parents will be pleased when they get home. I'm going to get jon from work around 10, but before I have to go to Dicks Sporting goods to get some cool fishing stuff for my daddy on fathers day. I just found this comic how funny!



HAPPY SUMMER EVERYONE

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[06 Jun 2006|04:49pm]
Finally.

I got a call for an interview in plymouth for home health care (right by jons house as a matter of fact) Its 12 hour shifts, which is good and bad because 12 hours a day means less days I have to work in a week. But on the other hand, 12 hour days of waking up at 5:30 or 6 in the morning, being to work by 7, and not coming home until 7 pm or later. sheesh. 

I hope I get it. Its gonna be hard getting back on a sleep schedule, but i'll definitly do it for 11 dollars an hour.

<3
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[02 Jun 2006|03:02pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

First Off, Happy Belated Birthday to Marilyn Monroe!  Yesterday would have marked her 80th year.

I cant beleive I've been out of high school for a YEAR!!! Its taunting me, really. I dont know where the time went, and now all the seniors are going to be graduating in just a few weeks. wow... I havent even started college :/ 
This entry is so random, but myspace is getting out of control! Jon and I both deleted ours quite a long time ago because it was causing a shit load of problems(not to mention these skanky bitches from other STATES were adding him and calling him sweety?!) and now im hearing all these stories on the news about 14 year olds getting abducted and killed and raped. I never realized just how easy it is for some sick fuck to get to you. But think about it, you can type in your school and find whoever on there. where they live and how old they are. and alot of people post there phone numbers on their friends pages and things. I think its rediculous! I'm glad I dont have one anymore...but it would still be nice to keep in touch with friends.

I got my first pedicure done on wednesday. i wanted to giggle when she was cleaning my toe z's, but I just held it in. Jon took me as a surprise because I did well on my fruit and veg diet a while back. I have little diamonds on my toes! My mom thinks im "so" pampered....what can I say, we love each other.

Love is good love is great, my birthday is SOON and im gonna eat cake.

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[26 May 2006|06:33pm]
[ mood | content ]

Its official, my 19th birthday bash on the 4th of july is going to be the BEST fucking day of my life.
Our group from the club is going to canada, and not just riding in any limo, how bout a 2007 stretch escalade on rims baBy! gawd damn im excited!!! Spinning love seat in the back, disco lights and strobes, fully stocked bar(im gonna be drunk before im drunk in canada lol) and 22 passenger seating. AH! at first i thought it was a little too pricy for our budget, but jonathan insists on getting it. its almost 2,000 for 9 hours. (hes crazy, he really is) He's saving up every paycheck just to afford our ride. Now we just have to work out hotel arrangements and money for BOOZE!! :) :) :) :) :) cant wait.

I was sad today, so i went shoe shopping. that always makes me feel better. I bought a pair of bongo boots, like a tan color...really cute and on sale, then I went to adidas and bought jon a pair of these really cute white shoes. Hes picky, he only wears white!!!! I hope he likes them. 

Today is our sons birthday. He's 1 !!! I made him a super cute birthday card with a fish tank on the front of it. he gets out of work at 10 tonight, and 12:30 pm 2morrow. I really hate his work schedule right now!!!!! oh well, i'll get over it. 

I dont know why they call this thing "LIVEJOURNAL". nobody writes or replies anymore :(

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[20 May 2006|05:24pm]
New LAYOUT!

how you like me nowww!
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Whats It All Mean.. [19 May 2006|09:18pm]
he got the job as assistant manager at little ceasars. I was happy for him and i'm always telling him how proud I truly am of him. Right now he has really shitty hours, like tonight he works until almost 11 at night, and tommorow 12:30. Its taking away the short time we spent together before he even got this job. Not to mention its caused alot of tension between us. He's had a really harsh attitude the past few days, and I know hes stressed about starting a new job and everything...but that shouldnt affect how our relationship is at all. I feel like im on the backburner. Like he closes up like a clam when I just wanna help him. I dont know what else to do. I think i couldnt be any more stressed than I have been in the past 3 months when I lost my job. Ive been having awful nightmares. nightmares I cant even talk about, its terrible. I called him this morning just crying. I really do hate crying all the time, but for some reason my body feels the need to do it lately.Maybe hes sick of it. Maybe he just wants me to toughen up more. I thought i was tough enough for this kind of stuff, but maybe im really not? All i wanted was to call him to tell someone the awful things that came through my head last night. to air out all my terrible nights of laying there with no sleep. I dont know whats going on, but its like when the world is dead, im wide awake, and theres nothing i can do about it.



End.
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Open Entries Now... [17 May 2006|10:11pm]
Nobody replies to my posts anymore, and im just fine with that....considering I dont have much time to update anyways. I've been stuck in a whirlwind and I cant find the way out. My journal isnt friends only anymore, I could care less who knows about my DEAD END LIFE..!

The fruit diet lasted a week. I wanted to get through the 2nd week, but it was drastically changing my body (and NOT in a good way.) I felt usless. My energy was gone and I had massive headaches and body pains all the time. Not to mention my well being and emotions. I had to watch my 2 familes eat pizza, drink pop, and munch on all my favorite food as I sat there and forced down raw broccoli and grapes. (thank god for grapes, i love them) So for all who think I failed, I didnt. I was a success and im very proud of myself I made it a week. I've lost some weight, but not in the areas I was expecting. I really wouldnt reccomend a diet like this one UNLESS you have a taste for fruits and veggies and you have a busy lifestyle and a support system present. (family,lover,friends)

Its impossible to find a job right now. Ive applied online, in person, read the papers and faxed a million copies of my resume. Its time I start pestering people lol. My future mother in law told me to just bug the shit out of people so your name sticks in their heads for the job. I CANT BE A MEAN PERSON! ( well most of the time anyway) Jon started his job as assistant manager at Little Ceasars today. Poor thing was so tired when he got home. He's too good for a job like that, but hes having the same problem as I am.

My g-ma has been in and out of the hospital. Mainly from heart attacks and internal bleeding problems. Just a few weeks ago she had triple bypass and we all thought for sure she wouldnt make it through. She has. My grandma is a walking symbol of why I dont smoke anymore...

June 8th will be 2 and a half years for Jonathan & Me. Time has gone by so fast... I love him more each waking day, its great to love, and be loved in return.

Love.
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Friends Only !* [06 Jan 2006|02:01am]

         

     

 

Reason Behind This...Collapse )

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new year resolutions... again. [03 Jan 2006|10:59pm]
[ mood | READY for the challenge!! ]

I told myself i wasnt going to make ANY resolutions this year, but just a few minutes ago i was sitting here thinking about it and...there are quite a few that i need to live by. Some simple, some not...but im an adult now and its time i take all this stuff into my own hands before it all eats me alive. (literally.. i let everything and everyone get to me and it needs to stop!)

*Gym- twice a day like i was doing, NO EXUSES

* NO fast food

*nothing but water and real juice

* show my family and loved ones how much I actually DO love them, and some things i say arnt meant to hurt but just come out of anger. :/

*less swearing(i dont want to be a truck driver for a career)

*fix my attitude(phew thats a big one)

*keep my ROOM CLEAN! jonathan was nice enough to clean it for me, so i need to keep it that way all the time. thanks babe :)

*work towards my number one goal- finding a place for jonathan and I to live in by his birthday

* start college--online classes to start hopefully

and i also made a promise to myself that i will NOT DYE MY HAIR until I have been going to the gym for atleast a week. no exceptions. no exuses. no "but i had to get it done toots!!!" none. (sounds lousy, but hey...I have my blonde moments too)

And to final it all off:

I DENISE EVELYN MASSARD, PROMISE TO DO ALL MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS BEFORE THE SUMMER. I WILL NOT BE A COWARD,LIAR,OR SOMEONE WHO BEATS AROUND THE BUSH.I WILL PUSH MYSELF AT THE GYM,AT WORK,AND AT HOME. I WILL FIND NEW WAYS TO MAKE CASH, WITHOUT BEATING MY OWN ASS. I WILL LOVE MY BOYFRIEND WITH ALL THAT I HAVE AND TRY TO SETTLE OUR ARGUEMENTS WITH A DECENT MATTER!

 

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[02 Jan 2006|12:27am]
[ mood | drained ]

i spent my new years eve in the hospital for 7 hours.
i woke up this saturday throwing up, and even when i had nothing in my stomache i was still dry heaving. i thought i just had the 24 hour flu so jonathan and i patiently waited around to see if i would get any better. i ended up getting worse. shaking, crying, and just heaving. i honestly thought i was going to die. he rushed me to the closest hospital in canton and since the wait was so long,i was passing in and out sitting in a wheelchair. all i can say is thank god i went to the hospital and didnt let it slide. i ended up being way over dehydrated , and before i could even put the hospital gown on, they were jabbing me with an iv in my arm. my nurse was a bitch. i told her it hurt and it seemed like she kept pushing it in deeper.

anyway, to sum it up short,they pumped me full of salene solution(which is pretty much water) to hydrate my body. i had to have nurses, my doctor, and jonathan all help me get up and to even use the bathroom. right now im feeling pretty sick,but not as bad as yesterday. i have the flu also...

till next time, i hope everyone had a safe new years. im going back to bed

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[29 Dec 2005|12:22pm]
[ mood | scared ]

I Love going to the Gyno!!!
Freezing on an ice cold bed with a lousy paper thin robe just barely covering me. oh, and not to mention waiting for 2 hours because my DOCTOR had to go deliver a baby as soon as i got naked!!!
gosh was i ever pissed.

mama is sick. so is rachel and derreck. thank god baby corbain is feeling better! i have to babysit him all night tonight until 12:30 tommorrow afternoon. not a big deal really, i just hope he stays a bit quiet ( not screaming atleast) hes the cutest little man ive ever known i think!!!

christmas was pretty good. got alot of marilyn monroe stuff, so you can guess i was pretty happy. the best marilyn gift i got was the barbie doll marilyn monroe from the movie "the seven year itch." ive done research on how much those are, and they aint' cheap! jonathans mom bought me a marilyn picture in a black frame and then customized it by putting "marilyn monroe" in diamonds on a leather string and putting it on top of the glass part. it was the best gift ever. bought, yet made. I LOVE CRAFTS!!! :)

Whats everyone doing for new years? We're supposed to be going to a club for a party where 50 cent and obie are going to be. i was really excited when Jon told me that, but now were not so sure. it has been shut down for a few weeks because it didnt pass fire safety or some shit like that. if we dont go there, we'll prolly just find a party (zube's house most likely)

anyway, im off to take care of my mom. <3 hope all is well

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[24 Dec 2005|12:51am]

Picture Post!!Collapse )

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[23 Dec 2005|07:21pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I think im FINALLY done christmas shopping.

and to think i told myself earlier in the year that I wasnt going to a late shopper this year! ba humbug. For some odd reason, michelle has been in her own little world and she wont let anybody in. its like, she wants to be around 1 person on 1 day, and then the next she spazzes out and says she hates them. I honestly feel terrible for her. a few nights ago jonathan and i came home and i went into her room to just say hi and see how she was doing, and she threw her stereo that i GAVE her across the room! it hit the wall and shattered into a few peices. mind you, it was about 2 in the morning and i would have been fuming if it would have waken my parents up (luckily they didnt) i just got so angry i left the room and went into the bathroom where i just wanted to cry. meanwhile jonathan was trying to talk to her to see what the problem has been lately. all that she said was that she is over stimulated and the holidays stress her out. i dont blame her! But she needs to control her anger, just like the rest of us.

Michelle has been so mad at me especially lately,too. She still beleives in Santa, so for a while i would always tell her "michelle, santa is watching you and he sees that your being angry and breaking things. do you think he wants to give you presents for being like that?" and all she does is get real quiet and look down at the floor. i feel like a bad sister, but im just at a loss for what to do. my parents dont know how to handle her emotions and quite frankly, I dont know how to either.

anyway, jonathan just got here so im off this peice. I hope everyone has a safe and good christmas!

 

Love, Neicy Poo

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